Sometimes I Hate Mississippi

I'm really upset right now. I found out that it is going to cost nearly $2500 to license my car in Mississippi. EVERY YEAR. Are you freaking crazy?!? That's almost as much as Donald makes in a month -- there is no way we can afford to spend a month's income putting a sticker on just MY car. There's seriously something wrong here.

Here's how car licensing fees are figured: it's 30% of the blue book value of your car plus whatever the county wants to charge. I drive a 2001 Ford Focus that's worth about $8000. 30% of $8000 is $2400. You've got to be kidding me.

I get that states need to charge taxes to make money, yada yada yada. But come on now. I know Mississippi is not the richest state out there, but charging that kind of money to license a car is ridiculous. In Wisconsin it costs $55 a year, period. How does this state expect its citizens to ever get ahead when the average annual income is about $20,000 and then charges over 15% of that just to legally drive your car???

Charging that kind of money to license a car just doesn't make sense. I guess I could see charging a percentage on luxury vehicles. I mean, really, who NEEDS a car worth $40,000? If you've got that kind of money to spend on a car, then I'd guess you've got the money to pay high taxes on it. But for average, everyday people like me and my family, charging those kind of amounts only hurts us. With my car payment, insurance, gas and the liceensing fees, it costs $635 a month to drive my car. I don't even want to think about how much it will be when I add in Donald's car. That's more than we pay in rent each month.

If there was an alternative to owning a car in Mississippi, I'd consider it. But there's not. No car = no job = no money. There's no public transportation system here. So really, this state's gotcha by the balls. That is, unless you want to drive a $500 piece of shit rust bucket that MIGHT get you where you want to go. I don't get it. I really, really, don't get it. It makes me want to move.

Forgive me

I've been thinking a lot lately about people who I've not treated as well as I should, as well as those people who have not treated me well. For some reason, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt about the wrongdoings I've committed in the past. I find myself thinking about these people, and wondering how I can make it right...and then realizing: the past cannot be changed.

The one person I feel most badly about is Brian. God, I treated him like shit without even realizing it. Looking back, I can see that he loved me more than anything and I didn't recognize or appreciate it. Sure, I loved him, but I took it for granted...a mistake I hope to never make again. He's married now, and I hope he is truly happy and has found what he was looking for. To Brian, I am sincerely sorry and I hope you will someday forgive me.

To Donald: I'm sorry that I didn't realize sooner that everything I was looking for was right in my own backyard. I'm sorry I made you complete an obstacle course before accepting you. You've been my very best friend for so long, I think I started to take you for granted, too. For all of this and more, I'm sorry. I know you have forgiven me along time ago, and for this I am humbled. You mean everything to me.

To Mom: I know now how hard it must have been for you. I know you've always wanted the best for your children but didn't always know how to provide that. Every person has their own struggles in life that they must work through, including you. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner. I no longer judge you, but look at you as a fellow cast member of this production called life. I'm sorry for all of the awful things I've said to you. I know we will never agree on some things, but that's okay. Love doesn't rely on complete agreement.

To those who have hurt me: I forgive you. We are all a product of our environments, and I know that many of you acted as a part of that environment. Acceptance and tolerance do not come easy in this world; it is something we each must work at every day. It is very easy to hurt, but much harder to heal. My wounded heart has healed, and will do so again should I be hurt again.