Forgive me

I've been thinking a lot lately about people who I've not treated as well as I should, as well as those people who have not treated me well. For some reason, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt about the wrongdoings I've committed in the past. I find myself thinking about these people, and wondering how I can make it right...and then realizing: the past cannot be changed.

The one person I feel most badly about is Brian. God, I treated him like shit without even realizing it. Looking back, I can see that he loved me more than anything and I didn't recognize or appreciate it. Sure, I loved him, but I took it for granted...a mistake I hope to never make again. He's married now, and I hope he is truly happy and has found what he was looking for. To Brian, I am sincerely sorry and I hope you will someday forgive me.

To Donald: I'm sorry that I didn't realize sooner that everything I was looking for was right in my own backyard. I'm sorry I made you complete an obstacle course before accepting you. You've been my very best friend for so long, I think I started to take you for granted, too. For all of this and more, I'm sorry. I know you have forgiven me along time ago, and for this I am humbled. You mean everything to me.

To Mom: I know now how hard it must have been for you. I know you've always wanted the best for your children but didn't always know how to provide that. Every person has their own struggles in life that they must work through, including you. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner. I no longer judge you, but look at you as a fellow cast member of this production called life. I'm sorry for all of the awful things I've said to you. I know we will never agree on some things, but that's okay. Love doesn't rely on complete agreement.

To those who have hurt me: I forgive you. We are all a product of our environments, and I know that many of you acted as a part of that environment. Acceptance and tolerance do not come easy in this world; it is something we each must work at every day. It is very easy to hurt, but much harder to heal. My wounded heart has healed, and will do so again should I be hurt again.