A few months before Lauren was born, I read this post on Tertia's blog. I sort of forgot about it until tonight. Tonight Donald and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with the crew from his office, and as we were leaving he said something to the effect of Peeler ruins lots of things and that he kinda misses our old life. Peeler actually had done pretty well - we'd went to the boat parade at six, and then we went straight to Wild Wings and we were there until nine. She started getting antsy about 8:45, so we decided it was time to go. But for those almost-three-hours, she sat in her high chair, watching and listening to all the big people, smiling when necessary.
When you're pregnant, everyone tells you how much having a baby will change your life. I always just sort-of believed them. How much different could it be, really? Even the first few weeks of Peeler's life, I remember thinking, "Oh, this isn't so bad....I don't know what everyone was talking about". And then, slowly, you start to learn that you're not in charge anymore, a tiny baby is, and that whether you like it or not, she will control your life for the near future.
Sure, Donald is right in a way. Having a baby has "ruined" some parts of our life. We can't go out with our friends whenever we want and stay out until dawn. We don't get to go to the movies, or to the gym, or even to the grocery store in peace. But I don't like to think of those parts as "ruined"....just different. Someday we will be able to do all those things again, without a baby. But for now, we're living in a different country, and need to speak the language of the locals. This new country has lots of parks, lots of laundry, and tons of hugs.
Finally, after almost a year, I'm becoming fluent in this new language. Mothering is coming more naturally and it's hard to imagine going back to my "old" life. Donald's getting there - some people just need more time to adjust than others. Driving home from Wild Wings, the Mother Shock concept just kinda popped back in my head, and it makes so much more sense now than it did before.
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I agree totally. Sometimes you think about all the things that you miss doing that you can't do anymore, like lay down and take a nap at any given time if you're sleepy...:) but then you think about all the joys that the kiddo has brought to your life and you know that the nap is not all that important. I understand completely!
Out of James and me, I was the one who wished things were they way they used to be. I can remember the first week after Jake came home from the hospital. I got no sleep and I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror and I had a huge scar on my stomach. One night, right after I had gotten Jake to fall asleep, I just started crying. James asked what was wrong and I said that although I loved Jake and didn't want to undo him or take him back, I missed our old life. Now that I am more adjusted it seems funny that I felt that way. Maybe it was crazy post partum hormones. Maybe it was my feelings of inadequacy. I normally feel confident in my abilities, but Jake was a whole new game and I had to learn the rules (or make them up, as James says) as I went. Whatever it was, it isn't there now. It is amazing how much his presence has enriched our lives. I cannot remember what we did for fun before him. I actually get annoyed when I have to go to party or event where I can't take him.
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